Liqaria, 14th of Eighthmoon 3045
Snow creaked and cracked beneath their shoes. The past plus degrees and flurries had turned into a dry, harsh cold during those days and nights Ren’i and Hawk spent hiding in the woods. There was no sign of any Liqaris. The only living beings whose presence Ren’i had felt were harmless wild animals, and he’d used it to his advantage while gathering food for them. By the time he’d woken up the next morning his side had still been sore, but Hawk had no longer resisted when Ren’i took the bow and the arrows and left him to watch their camp. They had both been so weak from hunger that they knew there were few alternatives left.
It had soon become obvious that Hawk was in no condition to hunt. Though his leg had not taken a turn for the worse, he was unable to walk unassisted, even after two full days of rest.
The akheri shortbow felt stiff and cumbersome in Ren’i’s hands, but he managed – after many failed attempts – to fell two hares and a pheasant, and a day later a young, small deer that had fallen behind its herd. His practice with Onniar seemed an eternity ago, as though part of a former life only recalled in flashes. Ren’i thanked the huntsmaster’s foresight while he dragged the deer back to camp, thinking about the very real possibility that they would have starved without his teachings.
There was enough to eat in the deer that they managed to empty the camp and be on their way the next day. All of Hawk’s energy went to keeping up with Ren’i, and they were not moving fast. They reached the edge of the forest as the sun set and made camp in the shelter of low-growing trees. Ren’i let Hawk sleep and stayed up all night himself, fearing that the fire would give away their position should any Liqaris happen to patrol the northern hills. He was subdued from fatigue as they proceeded the next day and stumbled occasionally, throwing both himself and Hawk off balance as they scaled the first hill.
Neither of them wanted to think about the passage waiting ahead, with its steep, rocky ground and endless rises and falls, but Hawk knew Ren’i worried about it each time they stopped to rest. Hawk realised he’d never before heard him stay silent for so long in one go. A month ago he’d been willing to pay for the peace and quiet, but now Ren’i’s silence bothered him.
”Fuck,” Ren’i swore quietly when snow started falling during their onwards crawl. The light had started fading, a clear sign of the approaching evening. They still had three leagues to go until the next valley, but they were already beyond exhausted.
Hawk glanced at the sky. He had begun to recognise changes in winter weather, and the humidity made the suddenly awakened wind bite that much harder. It meant more snow, he thought grimly.
Ren’i had reached the same conclusion. ”It’s already almost upon us. We won’t reach the valley before the blizzard strikes.”
”Not with my pace,” Hawk added.
Ren’i hardly looked at him. He corrected his grip and said, ”I’m not going any faster than you are. Let’s go.”
He took a step forward, or at least tried to, except Hawk wasn’t moving. He remained where he was and suddenly let go of Ren’i, who was not prepared for it. Ren’i almost landed on his face when he moved without Hawk following along.
”What is it now?” Ren’i burst out, turning at his heels. ”We can’t make camp here in the open.”
”This isn’t working and you know it.”
”Know what?”
Hawk looked even more solemn than usual. He took off the backpack and held it out to Ren’i, who did not move an inch.
”You’ve recovered already. You could reach the coast in a matter of days on your own,” Hawk said when Ren’i would not stop staring at him.
”The hell are you raving about?”
Hawk met his gaze, equally obstinate. ”I’m just slowing you down. It’s senseless to get us both killed when one of us can make it.”
”Okay. I’m taking back what I said. The wound must have gotten infected after all, since you’re clearly delirious,” Ren’i said bluntly. He sounded angrier than he ever had during the time Hawk had known him.
”Take our things and beat it. The daylight won’t last forever.”
Ren’i tore the backpack off Hawk’s grip and tossed it on the ground. It wasn’t hard to imagine sparks flying out of his eyes.
”Ren’i,” Hawk said, weary, but got no further before his voice was lost under Ren’i’s.
”You really think I’d do something that vile?”
”What do you mean ’vile’?”
”That I’d leave you here to die and save my own skin?” Ren’i’s voice hit such a rage-fueled falsetto that snow fell off the branches of a nearby tree. ”How dare you!”
”It’s the only sensible solution!” Hawk yelled back.
”Like hell it is!” Two red spots had risen on Ren’i’s cheeks from the cold and anger alike. ”I haven’t dragged you with me for several days straight just to leave you here!”
”I thought you, at least, would understand that our mission is more important than one person’s life. Aren’t you supposed to be a commanding officer?”
”I am!” Ren’i shouted. ”And I’m responsible for you until we get back home!”
Ren’i looked like he wanted to punch Hawk. His shaking hands balled into fists, but he forced himself to open them and breathe in slowly until the trembling abated.
”You said yourself that there’s no guarantee we’d all make it back alive,” Hawk went on.
”That doesn’t mean the wounded are abandoned to die at the first possible obstacle.”
”Abandoned?” Hawk started at his tone. Ren’i had uttered it like an accusation. ”Ren’i, listen—”
”No, you listen!” Ren’i strode towards him and nearly forced Hawk’s arm around his neck. ”I’m not leaving you here, try to get that through your thick skull! Go play a martyr with someone else.”
”Ren’i,” Hawk repeated, but Ren’i talked over him.
”Shut up and walk, or I’m breaking your nose.” He wrapped his other arm around Hawk’s waist, and none too gently at that. He took off and this time did manage to drag Hawk along. He grabbed the fallen backpack with his free hand, dangling it along as he started leading them towards the mountains.
Hawk could do nothing but hobble along. He couldn’t get a word out of his mouth for minutes out of sheer bewilderment, not that the look on Ren’i’s face was any temptation to continue the argument. His jaw worked as he ground his teeth together, either from extertion or irritation or both.
Hawk tried again as the snow began to fall thicker. ”Ren’i—”
”Shut it, or I’m knocking you unconcious and carrying you the rest of the way.”
”I doubt you’d manage. I’m taller than you.” The glare Ren’i threw Hawk’s way from the corner of his eye was poignant. Hawk sighed. ”At least tell me where we’re going.”
”Blueleaf said there are caves all over the place. I’m finding us one of them,” Ren’i replied between gritted teeth. ”Now shut up and let me focus.”
Wet snow had left the strands that had escaped Ren’i’s hat damp, glueing them to his face. Hawk didn’t know how he saw anything through the flurry, but there was a new, stubborn spring to his steps that he used to propel them forwards. The sun had just gone down when he inhaled audibly, and Hawk felt the grip on his waist tightening.
”Over there,” Ren’i said, and it was then that Hawk, too, saw what he was looking at. ”Come.”
He really had found a cave. There were several entrances leading inside, and the piled up snow had buried most of them entirely. The cave was deeper and darker than the one where they’d lingered after reaching Seiye. There were dozens of icicles hanging from the ceiling, and the rocky surfaces were covered with thick, crystalline frost. Ren’i lead them to a small chamber at the back of the cave, as far away from the wind and the cold as possible. Faint light was filtering from the ceiling.
”This ought to do,” he mumbled as though to himself. ”Stay here. I’ll block the entrance.”
The flurry had turned into a full-blown storm by the time they sat around the campfire two hours later. The heat radiating from the flames warmed the chamber to a temperature that was almost pleasant. They’d hung their wet coats and hats from the tent poles a safe distance from the fire, and an evergrowing puddle had formed beneath them.
Hawk felt properly warm for the first time since that first night in the forest, right after they’d gotten separated from the others. He started when Ren’i poked him with his elbow.
”Eat,” Ren’i said and stuffed a big chunk of fried meat in Hawk’s hands. The deer he’d felled had made for enough food to bring along. ”And you better make sure you eat all of it.”
Hawk chewed slowly, watching Ren’i, who was staring dead ahead, his eyes glazed over. The glow of the flames reflected from his eyes and made his hair and beard look like they were on fire. He’d chowed down his own food in a couple of bites.
”You should eat more,” Hawk said when Ren’i’s stomach growled. He was certain that Ren’i was the hungrier one between the two of them after dragging them both along all day, but Ren’i shook his head.
”The rest is yours. You’re not starving to death on my watch, at least.” The way he said made it obvious that he was still mad.
Hawk ground his teeth together and managed to stop himself before retorting with something equally abrasive. ”Leave it. You already got what you wanted.”
He’d half-expected that Ren’i would start yelling again. Instead he let out a deep sigh and buried his face in his palm momentarily, as though trying to pull himself together. He looked beyond tired when he met Hawk’s eyes.
”That’s not what this is about, for fuck’s sake! This isn’t some competition.” Ren’i shook his head again. ”Just think. I could never look your cousins in the eye if… Well. You know.”
They were quiet for a moment.
Hawk tried not to think about Ared and Nightsong’s faces when he finally said, ”they would understand.”
”Maybe they would, but what about me? We don’t even know if Blueleaf and the others made it across the land bridge, and I definitely don’t want your life on my conscience, too. Do you know what it’s like to bear a burden like that for the rest of your days?” Ren’i sighed again. ”Let’s stop fighting. I’m taking you home, even if I have to share my ashay with you, and that’s the end of it. Any questions?”
He could have been a madman for the way Hawk was staring at him.
”Share,” he repeated slowly. ”What do you mean, share?”
It was Ren’i’s turn to stare at him.
”Come on. You know.”
”Know what?”
”You do know how ashay works, right?”
”How the hell should I know that? You people don’t live in the south.”
Ren’i laughed nervously at the look on Hawk’s face. ”Well, fuck me. I guess you’re serious.” He brushed his fingers through his hair and pushed it off his forehead, feverishly trying to come up with a way to explain the matter. Words often refused to obey him when Hawk was watching. He cleared his throat and said, ”so you know what ashay is, right?”
Hawk nodded.
”Anyone who has even a single drop of demon blood in their veins has ashay. The full-bloods have it, the half-bloods have, and all of their offspring inherit it in full, regardless of how much other blood is mixed with demon blood.”
”Everyone knows that.”
”Let me continue. On top of that, anyone of us can share our ashay with whomever we will, should we want to. If a demon marries a mortal, they often share their ashay with their partner.” Ren’i scratched at his neck. He looked uncomfortable. ”You know. To have matching lifespans.”
Hawk was quiet for a long time. ”You can share the blessings of the demon blood?”
Ren’i nodded.
”You realise that’s really hard to believe?”
”I do.”
”What you just said… All the nonsense you people have been forcing on us all these years…” Hawk didn’t finish the sentence, scowling, and spent a long while searching for his words. When he finally had them they came out even angrier than he’d intended. ”You call us empty-bloods because your demon blood supposedly makes you superior to us. You say that we’re unworthier, weaker, less valuable than you, because we don’t carry the gifts of demon blood in our veins—”
”Hawk…”
”And now you’re telling me,” Hawk spoke loudly, as though he hadn’t heard him, ”that this whole time you’ve known that these gifts, these talents that you’ve inherited, can be shared with anyone, at any given time?”
Ren’i kicked the ground with his heels, looking very much like he would have wanted to find a crack in the earth and vanish in it, which in fact was the case. ”Yeah, well, sort of. Some of it, at least. I doubt it gives you magic, but it does protect you from illnesses and lengthens your lifespan to match ours.”
Hawk let out a cold laugh. ”This voids all the crap the empire has tried to feed us for thousands of years. All that bullshit, it’s just a lie. Always has been.” He looked Ren’i straight in the eye without flinching; the way his eyes burned reminded Ren’i of their first meeting vividly. ”Heritage doesn’t matter.”
There was a haunted look in Ren’i’s eyes. Hawk had expected him to get angry, to fight back, had expected some overblown reaction that would have given him a reason to shout back louder than him. None came. The silence went on and on while Ren’i just watched him.
The voice caught in Ren’i’s throat when he at last managed to reply with a quiet, ”I know.”
He had only half of Hawk’s years, but he looked a thousand years old when he said it.
Hawk couldn’t handle it any longer and averted his eyes.
”Keep your alms,” he grunted. ”I don’t need you or your lies for anything.”
Ren’i got up, sand scraping beneath his feet. He took his coat, the bow, the quiver, and left without a word, and Hawk did not go after him.