Hatam-Ile, 13th of Ninthmoon 3045
Very little light managed to filter through the windows of the cabin, but even so Hawk knew upon waking that it was already afternoon. The storm had gone its merry way yet raindrops continued hammering against the windowpanes, making the glass tinkle. For the first time in days he felt fully rested, despite the fact that Ren’i’s tossing and turning had woken him up several times during the night. In his sleep he was nothing but sharp knees and elbows, and Hawk had been somewhat amused to find out just how restless of a sleeper he really was.
He felt Ren’i shift against himself. The way his breathing changed told Hawk that he was awake. He’d stayed up on Ren’i’s side and watched his sleep so many times in Liqaria that even the tiniest details had been etched into his memory permanently. How his breathing slowed down as he grew closer to waking, how his eyelids twitched as he dreamed, and how he curled up tight as he slumbered, as though seeking shelter from the cold of the night.
Hawk squeezed him more firmly against himself and bent over him, breath tickling the back of Ren’i’s neck. ”Morning.”
”Is it already?” Ren’i yawned, feeling the weight of a warm arm around his waist. He shuddered when Hawk kissed his neck once, twice, fully enjoying the sensation. ”I could get used to this.”
He turned on his back and found himself face to face with Hawk. Strands of hair had come loose from his messy braid here and there, and the lids framing his brown eyes were still heavy with sleep. Ren’i couldn’t help smiling upon watching him.
”Morning, handsome,” he said and grinned. ”This certainly beats sleeping in a wet tent.”
Hawk chuckled. ”The company’s better, too.”
Ren’i stretched so that his shoulders let out a sonorous crunch. ”I don’t know why you were complaining that akheri beds are uncomfortable. I could stay here the whole day.”
He was certain that Hawk caught the hint, for the corners of his mouth were twitching, as though he were biting back a smile. Hawk bent over him and kissed him, pressing him against the furs with his full weight. One kiss become another, then third, fourth, each more feverish, more breathless than the one before, the last dregs of sleep evaporating entirely. Hawk grunted as he felt Ren’i slipping his tongue in his mouth, felt him shifting underneath him and sliding his knee between Hawk’s legs. There was a mischievous look on Ren’i’s face when they paused to catch their breaths. A fresh blush had turned his visage crimson.
His fingers slipped beneath the hem of Hawk’s shirt. ”May I?”
They undressed one another slowly, with lingering enjoyment, fingers and lips exploring each new unveiled strip of skin. They found everything about each other new and thrilling. Hawk sat up and pulled Ren’i in his embrace, kissing his neck inch by inch, feeling how with every little movement and breath their bodies moved against one another, warm skin seeking warm skin. Every kiss, every lightest touch left Ren’i shivering and his breath hitching.
”You’re shaking,” he whispered in Ren’i’s ear and kissed it. ”We don’t have to, if you’re not ready.”
”Of course I am,” Ren’i blurted out, just a touch too hastily to sound entirely convincing. All it did was make Hawk loosen his hold. He looked so concerned that Ren’i felt embarrassed. ”You don’t have to stop.”
”Ren’i—”
”I’m serious. Let’s just take it a little slower, all right?”
What he’d had with Alara, Maral, or any of his other friends was different, regardless of what they may have felt for each other. Though the harem had ceased to be in possession of the imperial family several ages ago, when empress Kadeino had shaken the empire with her reforms and turned the institution from the abode of imperial lovers to an institute of the arts, it did nothing to change the fact that their relationship with the imperial family was fraught with burdens of the past. They were his friends out of their own free will, perhaps, but he was still the crown prince. They could never be entirely equal.
”Are you sure you want to?” Hawk asked.
”Completely.” Ren’i swallowed. ”I’m… I’m not used to direct touch.”
Hawk blinked at that, slowly. ”You’ve never done this before?”
”I have, I have. I’m not a child, you know,” Ren’i hastened to correct him. ”But certain rules pertain to the members of the imperial family.”
Hawk’s expression softened as he understood at last. No one touched the Kishan heir with their hands apart from his own family, not ever, except in order to hurt him. The scars of pain and violence had left their eternal marks on his skin despite the healing powers of demon blood. Hawk’s every touch made Ren’i shiver, and he knew Ren’i could not help it.
The kiss Hawk pressed against Ren’i’s cheek was gentler than the ones before. He left another against his chin, then another, feeling his short stubble tickling at his skin. He waited patiently for Ren’i’s breathing to ease before moving on to the next place.
His long taivashi ears, his freckle-covered cheeks and shoulders, the red hair that Hawk buried his fingers in when he kissed Ren’i. Hawk went over them all slowly, systematically, and buried them in his heart. All those features he’d thought he hated, and without which he could no longer picture Ren’i.
Ren’i let him lower himself back down on the bed carefully. He closed his eyes and focused only on what Hawk’s mouth felt like against his own. Hawk did not hurry nor did he rush him. He held Ren’i against himself, slowly caressing his skin until he trembled no more, and their lips were sore from kisses.
They both sighed audibly as naked skin slid against naked skin for the first time, Ren’i’s arms around Hawk. Beads of sweat clung to their skin as they made love slowly, observantly, enveloped in one another. There was nothing else in the world but the two of them, and they only had time for each other.
They lay in a long embrace, listening to the endless rushing of rain while their heartrates went back to normal. Ren’i lay so still that Hawk thought he’d gone back to sleep until he pressed a sudden kiss against his neck. His stubble scratched at a sensitive part of his skin, making Hawk laugh out loud.
”Oh, so you are still alive,” he said, voice a touch rougher than normal.
Ren’i stared at him. ”Did you just laugh?”
Hawk lifted his brows. ”What about it?”
”And here I thought you didn’t know how.”
”That’s probably because you’re not particularly funny.”
Ren’i grinned, eyes gleaming. ”Oh, quite the opposite. You’re about to find out that I’m a very amusing chap, actually.”
Hawk saw the warning in his eyes half a second too late. He kicked the quilt off himself when Ren’i sank his fingers in his sides and started tickling. Ren’i refused to stop until Hawk was howling with laughter and nearly blacked his eye with his elbow.
”You’re awful,” Hawk complained once he’d managed to calm his breathing, shoving Ren’i off himself. He pulled on a shirt just to prevent Ren’i from seeing that he was smiling.
”You’re just saying that to make me feel better about myself.”
Hawk clambered out of bed and put on the first clothes he could find. From the corner of his eye he stole a glance at Ren’i, who sat up slowly and stretched, yawning with apparent enjoyment. His hair was sticking out in every direction as though it hadn’t seen a brush in days. Ren’i scratched at his armpit absent-mindedly, looking for his clothes.
In daylight the cottage looked rather cozy, Ren’i thought. He picked up a shirt from the floor – clearly Hawk’s, for it was a tighter fit than the one he’d worn as a nightshirt – and pulled it on. It still carried Hawk’s scent, though none of his warmth lingered in the fabric. After finding himself trousers Ren’i wandered around the cottage, curious.
Onniar had called it a hunting cabin, but it was clear that it was a home and not just a storehouse. Signs of inhabitation marked every surface. Changes of clothes, faded curtains and an extra quilt in the wardrobe. Old leather boots forgotten in a corner. On a sidetable, a half read book and, judging by the stains, a clay mug that had seen much use. There were dozens of books in the bookshelf, all organised neatly and alphabetically by title. The lack of dust told him the owner was an avid reader, and Ren’i couldn’t resist the temptation to take a closer look. Most of the titles he did not recognise, apart from a couple of adventure novels that he’d also read, as well as extremely battered copies of the first trilogy of the Tale of Karas. They were almost as dog-eared as his own back home in Hol Saro.
The back room was the only place that hinted at what the cottage had originally been used for. In a corner was a cabinet stuffed with arrows, bows and spare bowstrings, every type of knive imaginable and old camping equipment, though you had to make an effort to even reach it. Their clothes from yesterday were drying on a rack, and there were large bundles of dried, edible plants that Ren’i didn’t know the names of hanging from the ceiling. He had to bend down to pass beneath them to reach the door at the back.
”Where does this go?” he asked, raising his voice.
He heard clattering from the other end of the cabin. Ren’i had started to suspect that Hawk hadn’t heard him when his voice finally answered, ”have a look yourself.”
The wind nearly ripped the door off his grip. The backyard, if it could be called such, was taken over by overgrown grasses. An ancient outhouse stood behind the cottage with another smaller log building that Ren’i hadn’t even noticed before. It wasn’t locked; the pile of firefood stashed by the entryway was so massive that he was certain it would last a lifetime.
”I had no idea you had a sauna in here,” he said as he went back indoors.
There was an amused look on Hawk’s face when he glanced over his shoulder. ”Where did you think I washed? A sand bath?”
There was a new fire in the hearth. The pot over it was bubbling, filling the room with steam. The scent of heating food was enough make Ren’i’s mouth water, and it was only then that he realised just how hungry he was. The meal was simple but abundant. They ate whatever leftovers they’d found in the cupboards with bouillon and hot tea, but Ren’i ate with such appetite that they might have just as well been a banquet. He was shovelling food in his mouth with so much gusto that Hawk couldn’t help pausing to stare.
”You could have told me you were hungry,” he pointed out as Ren’i washed down the last pieces of bread with tea.
”I didn’t notice earlier,” Ren’i replied and smirked. ”I had more important things in mind.”
”Is this the future emperor to the ruby throne? A man whose head can only fit one thought at a time?”
”I’m a simple-minded fellow. And I’m pretty sure you’ve beaten any unnecessary titles out of me already.”
”The empire is doomed.”
Ren’i laughed. ”Don’t praise me too much or it might go in my head.” He fell quiet for a moment as he fished out scraps of chives from the bottom of his soup bowl. ”I don’t quite know what to do with myself, to be wholly honest. I didn’t think we’d ever end up here.”
Hawk set his bowl on the floor. ”I know what you mean.”
Ren’i stared at his feet, feeling heat creeping up his face all of a sudden. ”Does this mean that we are, um, together now? Officially, I mean?”
The question was so sincere in its innocence that Hawk wanted to smile, but he forced his expression to remain neutral.
”Well, at least for my part I can say that we are,” he said. He reached out to stroke at Ren’i’s cheek, just to get an excuse to touch him again. Now that he’d grown accustomed to their proximity he didn’t seem to get enough of it.
”For my part as well. Just wanted to make sure.” Ren’i coughed. ”Sorry. I must sound childish. This is all new to me.”
”All of it?”
”Well, not literally, but confession is a slightly more serious matter.”
”It doesn’t change the basics.”
”No, I suppose not.” Ren’i scratched at his neck, thinking. Sure, he had fallen in love before, multiple times, but Alara would have laughed himself silly had Ren’i tried calling them a couple even in jest. ”I’ve had lovers from time to time, but they haven’t been taken particularly seriously in Hol Saro.”
”Why not?”
”Well…” Ren’i didn’t know to put it into words. ”Don’t get mad now, but most of them have been from the old harem.”
Hawk stared at him, scowling. ”From the what now?”
”It’s not what it sounds like,” Ren’i hastened to explain. ”They still call the building the harem, though it has officially been the Institute of the Arts of the Imperial academy for ages.”
”I didn’t even know the damn thing still existed.”
”There are very few outside the capital who do, unless they’re aiming for a place in the imperial opera or something similar. It’s the most distinguished school of the arts in the whole country.” The look on Hawk’s face showed no sign of softening, so Ren’i went on, ”it’s true that I know many inhabitants of the harem and with some of them I have… Well. You know. But they’re not my property, and I can’t demand anything from them against their will. I don’t have any others besides you at the moment.”
”At the moment?”
He was starting to feel like the conversation was going to hell and fast. ”And I don’t need to, either! It doesn’t matter to me whether I have one partner or many, so long as everyone’s happy.” He cleared his throat upon seeing Hawk’s blank stare. ”What I’m trying to say is that this is enough. I don’t want to bring any others in our relationship, unless you want it too.”
”I doubt it,” Hawk said, thinking back on those feverish nights he’d spent fighting against the confession. Even then the mere thought of sharing Ren’i’s name with anyone else had been enough to raise his hackles, and he was not proud of the sudden burst of jealousy that reared its head at the thought of sharing something else, too. ”I’ve never considered something like that.”
”Let’s just leave it,” Ren’i said. ”All I mean to say is that my friends and I have our shared history, but that’s all it is: history.”
”Friends,” Hawk repeated.
”Just friends,” Ren’i said, emphasising the word. ”And they can’t become more, either. You know the empress has a say in who I am to marry. It makes dating difficult when the whole empire knows that common citizens have little hope of becoming the heir’s spouse.”
A long silence followed. Hawk waited patiently for panic to flood Ren’i’s face as he finally realised what he had just said.
”I mean… I didn’t mean it like that! The latter part only applies to the harem.” Ren’i’s visage was practically glowing. ”It’s in the law. Members of the imperial family cannot wed an employee or a student of the Institute. The law was changed when the Institute was established to put an end to the exploitation of the harem. My uncle’s wife was forced to resign before they could make their relationship public.”
”I remember hearing about it. What was her name again? Nahere?”
”The Lady Nahere. They still don’t address her as princess-consort, though it should be her official title.”
Ren’i’s hands balled into fists instinctively when he recalled all the doors that closed for Chuja after they’d officially announced the engagement. All those rumours that were spread behind their backs. Chuja had always been a luminous, exuberant soul and Ren’i had followed him around like a duckling in his youth, trying to absord even a fraction of his self-confidence. In just a couple of years that warmth had been replaced by something cold and hard that weighted heavily on Chuja’s shoulders, and Ren’i could scarcely recognise his uncle the way he was now; withdrawn, aloof. He had been the empress’s eyes and ears in high society, seeing and hearing things the rest of them never would. The flood of invitations had ceased overnight like a dammed river.
No wonder he and Nahere had fled the palace.
Ren’i shook himself, forcing himself back to the present. ”They made the decision together, but law’s law. She has had to endure a lot in her position. They both have.” Ren’i met Hawk’s eyes and added, ”the empress gave their union her blessings, but it wasn’t enough to stop the rumour mill. They no longer live in Hol Saro.”
Neither of them spoke it out loud, but Ren’i knew Hawk was thinking the same as he was. He did not want to imagine what his aunt would say once he returned to Hol Saro and was forced to tell her he was about to go against dozens of imperial traditions and marry one of the akheri. The thought of standing up to Ellerram made his stomach clench up. Ellerram was at least his equal in stubbornness, and Ren’i did not enjoy quarrelling with her.
The silence was broken by a sudden knock, which startled them both. They glanced at each other in confusion.
”Apologies for the interruption,” someone shouted from the door. Ren’i groaned. The voice was Yurau’s. ”We have a message for his highness.”
”So much for privacy,” Ren’i muttered as he got to his feet.
Yurau and Linnee stood behind the door in full uniform. If they thought anything of Ren’i’s unkempt appearance or borrowed clothes, at least they didn’t let it show. Linnee’s eyes went from Ren’i to Hawk and back once the latter showed up to listen behind Ren’i’s shoulder, yet both soldiers brought a fist to the chest and bowed politely as ever.
”We apologise for the sudden disturbance, your highness,” Yurau said. ”Captain Hamr requests that you return to camp at once.”
”What’s the matter?”
Linnee smiled. ”The legions of Meril-An have arrived.”